You were like
Chinese porcelain
Those eyes of blue heaven
You were sanctity
I had you
Wrapped around my soul
I loved you
I loved you too much
Did I die
When you ripped me apart?
Was I mawkishly sentimental
Or was I numbed to the core
And there I was
Like a dog chasing cars!
Stripped off my vanity
Stripped off my sanity
Memories of farewell songs
Pour down like gentle rain.
Wash off our sins and wrongs
And make us what we were again!
**
Be a bit more than frivolous nostalgia
Stuck in this vicissitude of life: –
We don’t have our visions clear
Gasping for breath in this hopeless strife!
**
Those days when we sang with no fear,
The iron resolves we wore as crowns-
Now like fallen kings in disarray so sheer,
We’re going down in leaps and bounds !
**
In the sea of broken glass
We stand bloodied to the core.
Doomed in the abyss of hell,
We’re so very far from shore.
**
And tears trickle down our eyes
As the songs hit our senses
The ones we sang while we bid goodbye
Hoping to make it big immense!
**
In the race to the pinnacle
We so lost our way!
What we set out to achieve
Never saw the light of the day!
**
And as we walk down the memory lane
We brush the dust from our suits so grey …
Still we raise a toast to our glory days again,
We live to fight another day!
Perhaps,
It wasn’t just another Friday night,
For something magical
Was waiting to happen!
Something special …
Maybe, who knew?
As their eyes met,
Again,
For the hundredth time that night!
A spark
Ready to fly!
A connection
Waiting to be made!
But alas! They looked away
Again!
And with drooping shoulders
And a throbbing heart
But with genuine sincerity
They took refuge in the
Helpless company of
The strangers of their lives: –
Strangers they met every day.
Strangers close to their physical self
But miles apart from their souls!
And the lights blazed,
The music grew louder,
The bottles grew emptier,
As loneliness bit their insides
Yet they were never short of laughs;
They needed a get away
Yet they sat along,
Nonchalantly,
With a contented face,
Gulping down the scotch
Their only other succour of the night
Than one another!
And before time
As they took their last sip,
There was this momentary pause
Just for that tiny bit!
Audaciously agonizing!
But surprisingly romantic!
Accompanied by
The fleeting dilemma
And the nervous heart-beats!
An ephemeral silence …
Engulfed them,
Alienating them
From all the ruckus
Of the outside world!
They looked mystified
As time stood still!
And then,
The final glance!
The final twinge!
The final moment
But of unrequited velleity!
As their broken-hearts
Decided otherwise: –
“Not today!”
“Not today”
As if taking a break
Would resurrect the part of them
That was already dead!
Maybe that solitary moment of warmth
Was all that they wished for!
Or maybe it was fate
As they made their way out.
A moment lost: –
A moment of rejuvenation!
A chance missed: –
A change to be whole again!
The music was still as loud as ever!
Most definitely,
It was just another Friday night,
Mundane, average, ordinary!
The blank page,
Looming large in front of me,
Stares at my hopeless face
Helplessly transfixed
In a never-ending baffle
Quivering in the air
In harmony with my
Arrhythmic heartbeats!
The fluttering sound
Aggravates my desperation
As I try again
Perhaps in vain
For a break-through
For the thousandth time
Silently
With an air of nonchalance
And a pen in my hand
While a storm rages inside
Destroying my pride,
My achievements,
My self-assurance!
Not even few shoddy lines,
Not even a word!
Am I done for life?
I ask myself,
As I close my eyes
And I scream and I scream
Again and again
Till my lungs explode
I gasp for breath
And my body goes numb!
With cold eyes
I stare back at the blank page
And let the truth sink in –
Paralyzed and trapped
I wait … oh I so wait
For this feeling to pass
And these shackles to break
If at all …
If at all …
She stood contemplating
In the tranquil of
The baleful night.
Goodness got dissolved
In the dark depths of
Immorality and irrationality –
They were but decadent shadows!
Growing stronger in her head
With every tick of the clock
And there she was
Creating monsters
With a broken heart
And a troubled mind!
With conflicted ideals
And misunderstood emotions!
Ridiculed by people!
Ruptured by life!
Abandoned by her kin!
Alone in a hopeless strife!
A misplaced veneer
Of self-righteousness
Imbuing her beyond the realms of sanity
With vehement force
As they aggravated
Their presence inside her …
The devilish fiends!
Wilder, heavier, stronger
With blood on their hands
And vile on their faces;
Without further ado
They took control
And she maneuvered herself
To decide his destiny!
Him, it had to be him.
The smiling face angered her!
The sense of responsibility
Was too much to bear!
How could he be so proper?
How could he be so peaceful?
Every detail of his existence
Erupted flames of envy
And her soul burned
Her world of anarchy
Was threatened enough
To wake up the evil inside!
Time to let go …
Time to wreck havoc …
The monsters were summoned,
Breathing malice,
Itching to cut lose,
As she closed her eyes,
Shook her head,
Tightened her jaws
And wrapped her fingers
Tightly around that shiny object!
In that pitch black alley
The deadpan stillness
Was broken by the howling screams!
Blood trickled down
The garbage man’s neck
As he collapsed on the trash
Which he was about to take out.
The wind hissed.
The dogs barked.
The stink of the muck around
Surpassed the odour of sanctity.
As he breathed his last!
She was nowhere in sight!
Let go off me
At least now
Now that I have died,
Can you spare my remains?
Oh you evil darkness
Take a sabbatical
Have you not
Had enough
Sucking the life
Out of me
Since my very existence!
Clinging
To my unformed identity
Ever since I was breathing!
You penetrated your way,
Didn’t you,
Like a truth omnipresent
Inside me
Persistently Subsistent
Feasting away on my soul
My flesh, my blood
And I meekly surrendered
Bleak and bewildered,
A puppet
To your forceful dominance!
My heart pierced
Over and over again
I died a thousand deaths
Before giving up
While you cherished
My epitaph: –
This was but a crown
On your head.
Right in one
Dark solitary corner of my mind,
Dwells a lot of emotions.
Subdued, subliminal;
Unwanted, unreal;
Have never quite got a hang of them.
Have never quite understood their depths.
As I continue my quest.
Emotions, a plethora of them,
Poured out of the predicament
That defines the core of my life,
Marching out like a rebellion,
Picketing in defiance against my inner self,
As I stand bereft of all the reasons
To justify my own sanity!
How hopeless! How sad!
Emotions spewing out unabashedly
From dismal sleepless nights
When the insomniac in me
Rages havoc with sincere brutality
Only to take refuge
In the clutches of the restless dreams,
Gnawing away my slumber,
My only accord with peace!
Emotions born out of exasperations,
When I can’t understand
The world around me!
The people around me!
Their insinuations, their expectations
Overburdened with which my feet tremble: –
I’m no brave-heart though I fake to be one!
I wear my mask!
So they keep on thrashing against my senses,
Waves of my emotional exuberance!
Wanting to be recognized,
But unheeded and unheard!
Craving for an identity, but identity-deprived!
I know not how to handle them, they choke me
Relentlessly as I drown on the inside,
Invisible to the rest of the world!
Those golden moments you’ve been waiting for
Slip away in a wink of an eye!
Wishing everything would fall into place
When sanity bids goodbye
From your life and its pandemonium
Although so hard you do try
To hold back all that’s good around you
You can’t and you fail to realize why?
Welcome aboard,
You’re the newest member of this world of doom!
Look around and you’ll find many like you loom
Haplessly; aimlessly; we’re one of a kind!
We are but His unwarranted bloodline!
Putting up a brave face,
As everyday a part of you dies.
So much rage, so much anger
But all you do is curse and cry!
Positivity seems like a farce!
Success seems like a lie!
Did anyone ever tell you?
That you’re just an unlucky guy!
Welcome aboard,
You’re the newest member of this world of doom!
Look around and you’ll find many like you loom
Haplessly; hopelessly; we’re one of a kind!
We are but His unwarranted bloodline!
I thought I knew you.
I thought I knew myself.
I had everything planned to the core.
But I didn’t know
That my self-righteousness would play
Devil’s Advocate
With my heart!
I did not … I could not!
And just when I was too sure,
Too sanctimonious,
Like an over smart halfwit
The harsh reality cut open
My shallow vanity as I slumped
On my face, the bitter truth
Barging in through the weakened doors
Of mine, crashing like tsunami waves
As you left with your ego and my sanity
Without a word,
Without an emotional manifestation!
How could you do that?
How could I not see that coming?
And I thought I knew you …
I thought I knew myself!
Through the dark depths of my mind
Awaiting in vain restitution of sanity,
Covered in a widespread sense of ennui,
Drenched with parochialism,
A thought waits to take its course,
Neither subliminal, nor delusional: –
That I would let go once and for all
And cut the roots of the heartless anguish
That has insinuated deep down into
The hapless woe-stricken despicable me!
Heave out the carcass, so much of them
Interspersed with my senses since time immemorial!
The lackadaisical days of resigning to my fate
And getting drenched in my misery:-
I shun it; oh I shun it once and for all!
Though it means that I might not survive: –
Though it means that a part of me would die: –
I fear not as I laugh at my predicament!
I might be numb, but I’m not dead!
Let there be
A few more stings of affliction in the abyss of hell!
Let there be
A few more drops of blood adding to my pain!
The hope of sunshine eclipses them all: –
This is my last chance before I’m gone!
Svk 