With troubled waters I’m bathed in my reality.
Solace is far-away, far beyond my sanity.
Hurt was before, now they’ve gone numb.
Some wounds don’t heal, to them you succumb.
They say we’ve equal shares of joy and grief –
Sometimes back, even I had this belief!
In liar’s paradise truth is a farce!
In mine, happiness’ an illusion, life’s a curse.
All set to go over to the other side –
I feel I’m the silent hum before the tide,
Tormented and tortured but not yet freed –
Waiting for the end, is that what I need?
Heavenly pleasures are supposedly awaiting me.
But the night before the morning seems like eternity.
Loneliness has become the mother of all adversities.
I am His hapless child, bereft of all the niceties.
Trying to gauge that there’s still a heartbeat!
Trapped in this body decaying bit by bit;
No wonder hope has escaped through the back door.
How much can one take, how much more?
All the love and happiness filling up life’s kit,
All the pleasures and luxuries garnered in it,
I’m sure, they’re all down there locked somewhere –
Search, if you may, for me, the key’s not there!
I laugh at my predicament, how dare I?
If only I had been a bird, I would fly –
Away from all the misery and helplessness
So far away that even He cannot trace.
So I bleed and I cry in my wait for salvation.
To be at peace, oh how much I crave, the sweet sensation
That has eluded me, despicable me, time and again
As I hold my breath for the final walk down the lane.
P.S. – Chalked out from the grim words of someone close to me during his final days before leukemia got the better of him …. 15 years now … but I still can’tforget those words … RIP brother!