Tag Archives: pain

Fool

I thought I knew you.

I thought I knew myself.

I had everything planned to the core.

But I didn’t know

That my self-righteousness would play

Devil’s Advocate

With my heart!

I did not … I could not!

And just when I was too sure,

Too sanctimonious,

Like an over smart halfwit

The harsh reality cut open

My shallow vanity as I slumped

On my face, the bitter truth

Barging in through the weakened doors

Of mine, crashing like tsunami waves

As you left with your ego and my sanity

Without a word,

Without an emotional manifestation!

How could you do that?

How could I not see that coming?

And I thought I knew you …

I thought I knew myself!

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Emotions … too much or too less?? …

Take away all that you feel is right.

I am like the silent stone at the end of the lane!

Say all that your insides crave to say:-

I have lost the track of time God knows since when …

You are right as you always are,

Break the shackles let the teardrops rain;

Throw me a thousand shards:-

Stupefied and numb, I want to feel human again …

 

And I couldn’t but reflect:-

That there were so many of them, chained with disdain

Agonizingly merciless complicated situations,

I could care less and so you would:-

They proved more than just frivolous insinuations,

Of a pandemonium of life, like a mess,

That eventually ripped me off my sensations!

 Was I blind to all your tears, your countless fears?

Or was I a black hole when it came to emotional manifestations?

 

Standing neck-deep into the abyss of hell,

Tried have I not, to sort out, to fight!

I reached out for your hand with all my heart

Only to realize that you were no longer by my side!

Did you feel the same about me, oh you must have!

As we gained distance with each and every stride –

The melodrama, the freak shows radically increased,

As every day and every moment, a part of us died!

 

Now it’s all cold, now it’s all done and dusted …

There’s nothing left inside …

Our signs proclaim our separation via

A piece of paper – the blood-stained bonafide!

Still this one last time that our paths have crossed,

But like mutes inarticulate, I stand speechless as I guide

My stares wayward, my face drenched with fake camaraderie ….

I don’t feel a thing, up did the emotions dry!

 

But then why does my heart scream:- 

Take away all that you feel is right.

I am like the silent stone at the end of the lane!

Say all that your insides crave to say:-

I have lost the track of time God knows since when …

You are right as you always are,

Break the shackles let the teardrops rain;

Throw me a thousand shards:-

Stupefied and numb, I want to feel human again …

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Poignant Reality

With troubled waters I’m bathed in my reality.

Solace is far-away, far beyond my sanity.

Hurt was before, now they’ve gone numb.

Some wounds don’t heal, to them you succumb.

 

They say we’ve equal shares of joy and grief –

Sometimes back, even I had this belief!

In liar’s paradise truth is a farce!

In mine, happiness’ an illusion, life’s a curse.

 

All set to go over to the other side –

I feel I’m the silent hum before the tide,

Tormented and tortured but not yet freed –

Waiting for the end, is that what I need?

 

Heavenly pleasures are supposedly awaiting me.

But the night before the morning seems like eternity.

Loneliness has become the mother of all adversities.

I am His hapless child, bereft of all the niceties.

 

Trying to gauge that there’s still a heartbeat!

Trapped in this body decaying bit by bit;

No wonder hope has escaped through the back door.

How much can one take, how much more?

 

All the love and happiness filling up life’s kit,

All the pleasures and luxuries garnered in it,

I’m sure, they’re all down there locked somewhere –

Search, if you may, for me, the key’s not there!

 

I laugh at my predicament, how dare I?

If only I had been a bird, I would fly –

Away from all the misery and helplessness

So far away that even He cannot trace.

 

So I bleed and I cry in my wait for salvation.

To be at peace, oh how much I crave, the sweet sensation

That has eluded me, despicable me, time and again

As I hold my breath for the final walk down the lane.

 

P.S. – Chalked out from the grim words of someone close to me during his final days before leukemia got the better of him …. 15 years now … but I still can’tforget those words … RIP brother!

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